


Don't Worry About Yourself

by CrazyKamesGirl



Category: Big Time Rush, Big Time Rush RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-13
Updated: 2013-12-13
Packaged: 2018-01-04 12:24:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,887
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1080984
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CrazyKamesGirl/pseuds/CrazyKamesGirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kendall is worried about himself because James is his boyfriend now. His haters and Halston's fans are sending hate to the blonde boy and that makes Kendall hates himself and he thinks that he's ruined everything. sorry, summary sucks. first attempt writing a story in English. so please be nice xoxo</p>
            </blockquote>





	Don't Worry About Yourself

Kendall didn’t know how he ended up in his position right now. He was in the hotel room, almost naked, and, he wasn’t alone. He was with James. His band mate, his best friend… and his boyfriend.

He rolled over and saw his perfect boyfriend sleeping peacefully. Inside his head, he was so happy that he could see the man he loved so much sleeping peacefully next to him. on the other hand, he felt such a guilty washed over him. He didn’t know why, he just felt like that.

He remembered everything he’d been through with James. How James asked him out during the Summer Tour. How James announced their relationship on stage and all fans screamed at the top of their lungs because of the news. And how James confessed his feelings toward the blonde singer and James chose Kendall over the other blonde girl named Halston Sage.

Kendall loved all of those moments. He also loved how his fans reacted after that news. Some bad, some good. But Kendall tried to ignore those bad comments about his relationship he had with James. Some of Jalston shipper said bad things to Kendall. How Kendall just a home wrecker – or whatever the hell they called it – and said how ugly Kendall was. He was nothing compare to the beautiful Halston Sage. How those rude comments affected him so much. He tried to ignore that every day, every hour, every minute, and every second. But, he couldn’t. He let those stupid comments flow through his blonde head. He felt weak, he felt numb, and he just couldn’t help but cry.

But every time Kendall thought about those rude comments, he also remembered how James treated him. He treated the blonde like… he was the most precious thing in this whole wide world. He loved those romantic moments. How James kissed him deeply yet pleasurably and passionately. How he always whispered those 3 little words on Kendall’s ear and made Kendall so weak on his knees and shivered down his spine. And how he loved those little couple-y stuffs they shared when they were alone with clothes on. Like watching movies, romantic picnic, or just snuggling. Kendall loved being the submissive one. He felt like he was loved, he was needed, and he was wanted. He loved how James dominated him in every situation that made him weak and let James to dominate him. He loved that way. How they made love, James could be gentle sometimes or when James was pissed off, it could be a hard and rough but Kendall really loved it. And James had planned that he wanted to move in with his baby.

Kendall didn’t know that his face was wet because of the tears. He didn’t even know that he was crying so hard right now. He never meant to steal James from Halston – he felt like that because the haters kept saying rude things like that – he knew he wasn’t the most gorgeous man in town. He also knew some of those comments were true. And deep down inside his head and heart, he knew he didn’t deserve the brunette.

Suddenly, his body felt so cold. He knew James didn’t wrap his arms around his slim body anymore. He knew it. He knew that James was going to leave him alone in this cold hotel room.

But he was wrong.

He looked at James’ direction and he saw his boyfriend’s hazel eyes opened. He didn’t sleep anymore. He was awake, fully awake and his face filled with anxiety all over it. Kendall wiped his tears immediately and rolled his slim body so his back facing James’ beautiful face. The brunette wrapped his arms around Kendall’s waist and rolled him again.

“Kendall? What’s wrong? Why are you crying, baby? Did you have a nightmare?” James asked with worry. Kendall just shook his head and tried to escape from James’ big hands. But James’ grip on Kendall’s body tightened. Kendall began to cry again but he didn’t want to show it in front of the man he loved so much.

“Baby, shush. Everything’s going to be fine, okay? Don’t worry. I’m here with you,” James whispered on Kendall’s hair and the blonde boy buried his face on James’ neck. Even James was clueless and had no idea what was going on with his blonde boyfriend, but he knew that he should do that. He just hated it when he saw those bottle green eyes filled with sadness.

“They’re right, James,” Kendall whispered. James almost didn’t hear him. But he could hear that. James rubbed Kendall’s back soothingly.

“It’s okay if you don’t want to tell me now, baby. It’s okay,” James began to kiss every visible skin on his boyfriend’s beautiful body.

“No. They’re right. They’re too damn right. I don’t deserve you. I just destroy everything. You should be with Halston at the first place. She deserves you more than I do. I’m just Kendall Schmidt. I’m just an asshole who steals someone’s boyfriend. I’ve destroyed your relationship with Halston. Those people are right. I’ve ruined everything. I’ve ruined the band. I’ve ruined your life. Be with me is such a wrong decision! I’m ugly, James. I ain’t pretty like her. I ain't perfect like you. I’m just all skinny, bony, and pale and nobody wants me. That’s why I’ve been being a single for such a long time. Nobody wants to be with a stupid person like me. No one! I’m just such a terrible person. Maybe I should wrap my head with a mask so the whole world won’t see my ugly face again.” Kendall’s body was shaking uncontrollably. He cried harder and harder and James felt his heart broke into pieces. He didn’t know why his blonde was thinking like that. But those words weren’t true at all.

Absolutely not true and James felt like he began to cry too.

“Shush, baby, what the hell is wrong with you? That ain’t true. I want to be with you so bad. I really do. You don’t destroy my relationship with Halston. I like her just as friends. And she was a distraction for me. I know it was mean but I’ll always know that I want to be with you. I always know that I’ve had a crush on you since the first time we met on the BTR set. That was the first time I realized that I’m a gay, Kendall. I always want you. Don’t listen to them. They’re wrong. You mean everything to me. Halston is okay, she’s perfectly fine with our relationship. She understands, completely understands and she also supports us. Just don’t listen to those bastards who only destroy your feelings, Kendall. And about your looks, you’re handsome Kendall. You’re stunning, gorgeous, amazing, pretty, beautiful… damn, the list can go on. But trust me; you’re amazing as you are. You have those beautiful green eyes, that cute dimple on your left cheek, those eyebrows and don’t forget those lips. I love those lips, so so much.” The pretty boy’s body was trembling. Just like Kendall’s. It hurt so much that Kendall had such a shallow thought about himself. James hated that. James hated himself because he was the major reason why Kendall was crying right now.

But suddenly, Kendall was sitting up. That made James sat up too. They were face to face now. Kendall stared at those beautiful hazel eyes that he loved so much but, he broke the eye contact.

“Look at me, Kendall. I want to see your beautiful green eyes when I talk to you,”

Kendall shook his head and wiped his tears again from his face. It didn’t want to stop. He was even crying harder when he saw those beautiful green-hazel eyes. He loved those eyes so much.

“No,” he whispered. He felt so weak and numb. He felt so stupid.

_I don’t know why you always feel so insecure_

_I wish you could see what I see, when you’re looking in the mirror_

_And why won’t you believe me when I say?_

_That to me you get more beautiful, everyday_

James sung their song from their album. The song, Kendall wrote several years ago. He felt so stupid. He wrote that song by himself but now, he was the one who felt insecure about himself. About his looks, about his personality.

“Who wrote that song, hm?” James asked Kendall as his fingers touched Kendall’s chin and forced Kendall to look at him. Now their eyes collided. Kendall could see the anxiety pooled around James’ eyes. He felt guilty for that. He wanted to cry again but he felt he had nothing left. Listened to James’ singing was enough.

“I did,” Kendall whispered in tiny voice. He was so adorable and James only wanted to kiss those kissable plump pink lips that belong to Kendall.

“So? Still feel so insecure about yourself?” Kendall shook his head. James leaned forward and gave those plump lips a kiss. James kissed Kendall passionately and the blonde boy kissed him back. He let James dominated him just like as usual. James poked his tongue on Kendall’s lower lip and the blonde opened his mouth and let James explore his wet cavern. James felt so happy he could taste Kendall’s sweet mouth. Even the lips were pretty wet because of Kendall’s tears. But, it didn’t matter.

When the oxygen was actually needed, both singers broke the lip-lock. James stared at Kendall’s green orbs deeply. He could see Kendall’s insecurity was still there, but, Kendall was smiling.

“So listen to me, you’re beautiful as you are Kendall. Just… don’t listen to those bastards who knock you down. And once again, you don’t destroy anything in my life, okay? I’ve wanted you for such a long time. Even since the first time we met, you’re the only one I’ve ever wanted, Kendall. Don’t ever think about those rude comments again, okay? They’re not true. Those haters are jealous with the relationship we have, baby boo. We’re going to be fine. And the band is completely fine. Carlos and Logan are happy with us being together, right? Who says you’re destroying this band? Those morons are completely wrong. I love you, Kendall. I love you.” The pretty boy leaned again and kissed Kendall slowly this time. The blonde boy cried again. But, the tears of happiness right now.

“Thank you. Thank you for being such an amazing boyfriend ever. Thank you for everything you’ve done to me. I love you too, James. I love you too,”

“And don’t you ever doubt that again, baby. Because really, it breaks me in the inside to see you crying like that. Promise me you won’t do that stupid thing again?”

“I promise. I love you,”

“I love you too,”

Kendall snuggled on James’ bare chest. He used James’ toned chest as a pillow while the pretty boy wrapped his arms around Kendall’s slim waist.

“Hey, how about we have a romantic dinner tomorrow night? Just you and me. After the show?” James asked as he ran his fingers on Kendall’s silky blonde hair. Kendall hummed and nodded on James’ chest. James smiled wider this time. God, he loved his baby so much.

“I love you, baby. So much.”

 

_-The End-_

**Author's Note:**

> I know there are several grammatical errors and I still don't know it yet. just, tell me if there's some errors and I'd be so happy if you did.  
> thanks for reading. xoxo, Crazy Kames Girl


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